Web Serve Canada, you are on the receiving end of my wrath and I have one thing to say to you - your customer support system sucks worse than a rancid Tiberian bat with an infected toenail trying to screw in a flaming light bulb while encased within fifty tonnes of concrete.  It sounds like that sucks, doesn't it?  It makes as much sense as your support department's availability.  It also makes as much sense as why it takes them forever to respond to anyone they actually need to talk to: like customers.  Do I hear you asking "why"?  This can't come as a surprise, Web Serve Canada. I am here to tell you exactly why:

Live Chat System Free From Pesky Live Chat

I want to comment on your 24/7 live chat support system.  Of course, I think you need to remove the "live" and "chat" portion in that statement as there is never anyone there.  Thus, it becomes a "chat window" with no response or communication.  You should replace it with one of those madlib auto-complete systems that provide auto-responses to questions. 

Question: "My web site is down!"

Response: "I am down with potato-stuffed chicken."

It is important that you actually have someone there to chat with.  I have posted (and left messages) on your chat system and have never once heard back from anyone.  If you advertise it, why not have some people there?  Otherwise, I suggest you drop the chat support.  It feels like you're trying to be something you are most definitely not.

Support Phone System That Forwards to People Who Sound Like They Are Driving Down Back Country Roads While Speaking Through A Garden Hose

Now, I am sure you are saving money by farming this service out to another company (at least, this appears to be the case) but why not choose a company that has a decent phone system?  The phone quality of the support group has got to be one of the worst I have ever encountered. 

Question: "Hi, my web site is down and I want to know why I haven't heard back from tech support since I called last week?"

Reponse: "(static) I can't (static) beer (static and some dude asking about stock tips) whales and corn (static with a rendition of a tune from the 1980s I'd rather forget) your phone connection is terrible (static with the wooblies)."

This usually leads to the eventual hang up.

I have called support using Skype, my cellular phone and two different land lines.  But the quality is always the same.  What is really funny is the tech support people blame not their phone system but our phones.  Don't they realize their phone system is pitiful and horrible?  No matter from which phone or communication technology I call with the person on the other end sounds like they are sitting inside a tin can placed in an empty hockey rink at three in the morning.  The phone system you use for your technical support team sucks anal hairs of a rabid goat.

Support Ticketing System Treated Like An Ex-Girlfriend

The people on the other end of the phone (the three I have talked to) know there a ticketing system, right?  I provide them with ticket ID numbers from the online ticket system and they sound stunned or confused like the number I read out was spoken backwards and I threw in a few random click noises as I spoke (probably the crappy connection).  Actually, I wonder if you really use this system.  The only response from one of the tickets I posted was for a different client about a domain I have never heard of.  Let me repeat: I got a single response for a different client for a domain I do not have.  How screwed up is that?

And Just Who The Hell Is Level Two Support?

I know, I know.  I understand the joke.  They don't exist!  Is level two support meant to placate me until I just give up all together?  I have been escalated to level two twice (and now a third time) and I have never heard anything back.  Nothing.  Not even a "piss off" letter.  I would appreciate any communication.

Suggestion for a Solution

I really don't care if you don't want to talk to people (you know, those pesky clients?) but, please, at least fake it that you care during office hours.  If you need to drop the 24/7 support to do this, fine.  I don't care.  You don't need to remain open that length of time to please me.  Just be there during the day.  I don't care what my web site is doing at four in the morning.  I need to sleep.  You need to sleep.  Any horrible down time isn't going to spontaneously set people on fire.  But, you are not going to maintain any sort of customer base with support that appears to be on line and available all the time.

What I suggest is that you hire some more staff or find a new support provider.  (I am still running on the assumption that you farm support outside of the company.)  If you really want to run a company like yours, I am sure you have enough money to hire some staff to take on support responsibilities.  It isn't hard.  They don't need to be paid a whole lot.  Just, please, get some that aren't unhappy to help.

I also didn't do this review lightly.  I did check the company out to see if my experience was unique.  Sadly, it wasn't.  Read this site for more people complaining about Web Serve Canada.  (There are some decent reviews in there as well, but they are written in a similar fashion and I am a little suspicious.  You be the judge....)

This is for you, Web Serve Canada.

Technorati Tags: web serve canada, sucks, technical support

I begin this post with a warning: first off, you naysayers, go hump a disease-infested yak's uncle's next-door-neighbour's milk man's wife's physical trainer's dentist's mother-in-law's handbag.  What I am about to discuss is a sensitive topic to me and I am always made the butt of some joke when I attempt to get into "shape".  This warning ends - now.  (Klingon logo.)

I am getting into shape.  But not a pear kind of shape - real, man-like, not-so-much of the fat shape.  A couple of weeks ago, I became very tired of the "stop and start" method of exercising (with the exception of swimming which, until the summer was very regular, stupid pool renovations).  I was feeling a little bloated or fatter than usual and decided I needed some professional help.

Around the same time, some friends of mine in Victoria were reporting they had found boot camps to be the cat's ass for getting into shape.  My friends continually filled me in on their progress and I was quickly being swayed that they had found something better than "going to the gym".  I was also convinced that forcing myself out of my bubble and doing something crazy would kick start me back into regular exercise.  I decided it was my time to sign myself up for something absolutely out of character - a 7:00am boot camp, three days a week, for a six week stint.

What I found to be disappointing about my decision was that boot camps appear to be dime a dozen in this Vancouver town I live in.  They are everywhere.  Yet, they appear to lack any kind of "standard" with which I could compare them.  How am I to know what the better exercise methods are?

I searched around the web (when am I not searching the web) looking for some type of boot camp that appeared to fit with my requirements.  I decided that the company had to:

1. Look friendly.
   
2. Write friendly.
3. Be encouraging.
   
4. Not appear to be a bunch of exercise wankers.  (You know the type.)
   
5. Not be an excuse to get me to run.  I can run on my own.  (Thanks, for demonstrating that one, Jen!  You rock!)
   
6. Be unique in some way, like, oh - being reasonably active bloggers or contribute to the community.
   
7. Must look professional in their web appearance.
   
8. Be close by and accessible.

After evaluating a couple of companies, only one boot camp really caught my eye - Mike Roulston of Mode Athletics.  Mike shared the most information on line.  He talks about who he was, what his philosophy is, posts a few photos, has an encouraging tone that is written in a more personal tone, and he also has a blog (which he needs to write more in but I didn't see any other blogs from any of the other companies, so, he is ahead of the game).  Most of the other companies were "okay" but dates were not current, the information looked "tossed up" on the web, and there wasn't anything that screamed at me to come play with them.  I am not saying that the other companies were not as good, but they didn't appear to me to take the time to work on their site enough to make me go "wow".

Sure, this may sound like I am tooting a few too many horns, but when you are fighting weight with a side order of gennetics - you may get to the point too where you need to fight with a little crazy on the side.  I will keep you posted on my progress.  That is if I don't die first.  (UPDATE: I have been to two sessions now and I haven't died yet.  I will post a few more details once I have a week under my belt.)

Technorati Tags: mode athletics, vancouver bootcamp, exercise

This is kind of a follow up to my post yesterday.  Sort of.  What popped into my head after I wrote that blog post was this.  If you blog for long enough, one of the things blogging may reveal about a person is how much of a social butterfly they are (or are not).  I tend to be less of a social kind of guy and, as I am sure many who know me can attest, it is like pulling teeth to get me to go out.  But I also have an incredibly social streak in me.  The streak just requires the right triggers to set it off.  What are those streaks?  It normally involves a stage, lights, and a few other cool people who are as insane as I am.  What gets me "hot and bothered" is improv comedy.

Let me first go into a list of my improv comedy credentials:

• 1990 - Discovered improvisational comedy.
• 1991-1996 - Join Impromaniacs and perform a few months later.
• 1996-2000 - Join and perform with ACT! Improv in Victoria.
• 2002 - Attempt to get Ian Loves Bob off the ground.  Dies a quick death.

You see, there is a great difference between my life in Victoria and my life in Vancouver.  In Victoria, I was doing a regular improv show at least once a week.  It got my blood revving and was a central part of my life.  I did this for just over ten years and, from time to time, I was doing about four shows a week.  Then, I moved to Vancouver and my improvsational life died.  I tried out for a few groups but I kept running into the "doing improv to improve my acting skills" crowd.  And I loathe the "doing anything and not have any fun while doing it" kind of people.  They just turn me off in a huge way and it just sucks my energy away and I end up leaving early or just never returning to the organized groups.  Hell, I even helped out starting a group but it never went anywhere.  Too many things were going on in each of the people's lives and the energy wasn't there to make a go of it.

I then find myself here - locked in a cycle.  Every year or so, I bitch, whine, and moan about how I don't do improv any more.  I have been struggling the last couple of years with a lack of performing.  The people are great but the chemistry never seems to "ping" with the right, uh, "pingingness".

This is my annual bitching about a lack of venue for me to act like a goof.  If you have any leads, let me know.

Technorati Tags: improvisational comedy, impromaniacs, act! improv

Travis invited me yesterday to come out and volunteer for Northern Voice this year.  I attended their latest meeting and was thrilled to see so many familiar faces and I met a few people in the Northern Voice community that I haven't had a chance to get to know all that well.  I think they are called "faces in a crowd".  You see them from time to time but never really know who they are, what they do, or why they attend the same events you do.  I hope in the coming months, I can get to know them better because I think I need to branch out and meet and greet a few more people.  I think I am becoming a little too "homebodyish".

This is my official notice to bloggers out there: Northern Voice is coming.  If you want to attend an all ages, everyone welcome, nothing is too advanced here, kind of conference, Northern Voice 2009 is your chance.  This event fills up quickly and is celebrating its fifth year - so, you know it is going to be ultra cool.

If you have any suggestions, questions, requests - let me know and I will bring them to the planning group and let them know.

Technorati Tags: northern voice, nv09

We were invited out last night to attend a turkey dinner at a friend's place in New Westminster.  It was one the largest piles of turkey I have ever seen.  We had a lot of great food, amazing coffee drinks, and good chatter about life, liberty, and the pursuit of hot women.  Or something like that.  It was a fun time and a well needed break before returning to the spice mines of Kessel.

However, tonight, the election is on. The polls are closed and, according to relatives back east, the media has already called the election: a Conservative minority government.  I don't think this is a surprise.

I don't really know what kind of government Canada should have yet.  I don't think the people of Canada know.  Since the world started the "war on terror" people have been scared into believing that the world is going to end in the near future and the North American way of life is going to fall to some "terrorist" group located half way across the globe.  This kind of feeling is going to make our voting efforts a complete mess until we wise up or just get on with our lives.  This, of course, is not news to any of the people I know but, hey, if I can change one mind from someone reading this...etc, etc, etc.

I suppose we have a number of years to go before we will feel safe again. Well, I feel safe, but a lot of people don't.  It is sad.  In either case, we have Harper again for another few years.  How about we just fight for the arts until the next election.  Off to watch some final numbers.

Technorati Tags: canada, election, 2008

In Canada, the second weekend of October is officially Canadian Thanksgiving.  I have often wondered when Thanksgiving started in Canada and what its history is.  You would think that a kid from Canada would know this but, hey, I can't know everything.  I did a quick search and Wikipedia has all there is to know about Canadian Thanksgiving.

The history of Thanksgiving in Canada goes back to an explorer, Martin Frobisher, who had been trying to find a northern passage to the Orient. In the year 1578, he held a formal ceremony, in what is now the province of Newfoundland and Labrador, to give thanks for surviving the long journey. The feast was one of the first Thanksgiving celebrations in North America, although celebrating the harvest and giving thanks for a successful bounty of crops had been a long-standing tradition throughout North America by various First Nations and Native American groups.

First Nations and Native Americans throughout the Americas, including the Pueblo, Cherokee, Cree and many others organized harvest festivals, ceremonial dances, and other celebrations of thanks for centuries before the arrival of Europeans in North America. Frobisher was later knighted and had an inlet of the Atlantic Ocean in northern Canada named after him — Frobisher Bay. At the same time, French settlers, having crossed the ocean and arrived in Canada with explorer Samuel de Champlain, also held huge feasts of thanks. They even formed 'The Order of Good Cheer' and gladly shared their food with their First Nations neighbours.

It wasn't until the Canadian Government decided in 1957 the holiday to be held on the second weekend of October.  Now, you know and knowing is half the battle.

I am looking forward to some turkey tonight.  At least, I hope there will be turkey.  You never know with these Vancouver holidays - could be tofu turkey.

Technorati Tags: canada, thanksgiving, turkey

This morning was crisp and cold.  I went out with the pug and we trotted along her usual route of sniffing and investigating (every rock, blade of grass, corners of buildings, pebbles, etc.) and I caught myself breathing the morning air.  This isn't unusual, of course, but I wasn't just breathing the air in, I was breathing it in.  It was like my body had decided I needed more air or I wasn't paying enough attention to my breathing, so, thus it must intervene on my body's behalf.  What I quickly realized I was doing was breathing in and relishing the feeling of the cold air hitting my lungs.  The cold air was stimulating.  It is a feeling that most of you out there have experienced, I am sure.  You catch yourself doing something you like but it is an involuntary experience.  Or, perhaps, I am crazy.

I must be addicted to this kind of weather.  But, I know why I like this time of year the best: it is the return inside.  Have you ever felt like this?  You can be outside in cold weather doing whatever it is you need to do and then, upon returning to the warmth of the indoors, you run like a crazy person and find some kind of warm area to cuddle into?  I feel that I sometimes go outside into the cold on purpose in order to do just that - feel that warm body in the bed or find a cuddle pug to warm up with on the sofa while buried underneath three or four blankets.

And coffee.  You can't forget the coffee that you must have once inside.  It is like a best friend on mornings like that.  It reminds me of camping out in the scrub or even at a local park.  The feeling is the same.  It is cold but it provides you with a kind of freedom that you don't normally get while living in a house with four walls and a roof.  I wonder sometimes if it would be cool to get to know this country of ours by ditching everything and just walk around the entire country with a sleeping bag and a tent.  A map would help too but, hey, this is my little section of the world and I don't allow practicality in.  Can't wait until tomorrow morning.  Hope it isn't raining.

Technorati Tags: cold, mornings, coffee