I have something to share.  This "something" is a shocking experience in my world.  Some small bit of my worldly foundation has been rocked and cracks have appeared.  What could this shocking experience could have been?  

On Monday of this past week, CIBC called me.  Not some random sales call.  It was "the CIBC".  I am sure you'll know what they may have called me about.  If not, read here.

Yah.  They did.

Early on Monday morning, my phone rang.  I reached over to grab my handset but paused when I saw "CIBC" on the caller ID.  I thought for a moment:

"Why would the CIBC be calling me?"  

A moment paused and, somewhere in the dark recesses of my brain, a penny (or perhaps a few thousand pennies) dropped.  My "red alert" alarm went off.  My internal DEFCON level zoomed to the hightest setting.  Shields went up and the battlements were manned.  Somewhere a group of elven archers notched a few hundred arrows.  I was a little surprised at the level of anger that rose inside me.  My fight or flight decision went instantly to raging fight and I was ready to give whomever was on the other end a piece of my mind.

Of course, all of this happened in an instant.  I picked up the receiver.

"Left Right Minds.  Shane speaking." I said.

"Hello, Mr. Birley.  This is so-and-so.  I am calling you from the CIBC customer service department and I would like to talk to you about your experince with CIBC."

For the first few moments of the conversation, I thought they were out to "get me".  I was waiting to hear words like "slander" or "defamation".  I was expecting to hear phrases like "break your kneecaps", "cement shoes", or a "pair of pliers and a blowtorch".

But I did not get these words nor the phrases.

In a very positive and upbeat tone I heard words like "unacceptable" and phrases like "ashamed about the poor levels of service".  

I didn't know what to say.  "Was this really happening?", I thought. Was this bank that I had been demonizing for years actually calling me to ask about my experience?  Never in a thousand phone calls had I thought CIBC would respond to me - and in such a personal way.

According to what the lady on the other end of the phone said, here is what happened on their end.

Apparently, someone at CIBC had found my blog and had reported it to the customer service department.  They read my postings and checked out some of the comments and then they sought me out.  They called me at my day job number (the only number I post publically on the Internet) to apologize for my experience.

I was shocked and a little humbled.  In my mind, I had painted this bank as being an uncaring corporation that was blind to the front lines.  I had concluded that CIBC hired nothing but robotic space monkeys from Iscandar and reaped the profits their army of numbskulls acquired.

We had a pleasant conversation (once my hackles settled down) and she seemed genuinely upset that I had such experiences with CIBC.

Here is what the conversation boiled down to:

• CIBC has a problem.

• CIBC needs to train their "trench staff" better.  (My words.)

• CIBC should review how they share information from the top.

• CIBC needs to rethink how their branch managers deal with training tellers and their office staff.  It is obvious (to me) that the training standards of CIBC are very poor.

• CIBC staff should "know" the system they use every day and should be able to have process and procedure information at their fingertips.  They should not have to seek out other staff for simple procedures such as the closure of accounts on weekends.

• CIBC should think about how to solve PST and EST issues so that PST time zone clients are not penalized for living on the West coast of Canada.  

She pointed out that the PST/EST issue is eluded to in the terms of service (as being 6PM EST) but I said that this was stupid to expect clients of banks to read every little detail in their terms of service.  In today's world, most individuals will read the big print and walk away thinking they know everything.  Writing such an important detail is not clear enough.  Expectations like this will create can arise.  And before those of you out there start commenting that "it is the clients responsibility to read every detail" - let me stop you before you start.  Why?  Well, simply put: I don't care.  What I do care about is a company needs to assume that their clients are NOT going to read things like a terms of service.  Details as important as:

"Hey, buddy, by the way - if you pay at 3:01pm in your time zone, you'll get a penalty because you don't live in Toronto." 

To me, putting those kinds of details out for all to see is important (and no, terms don't count) enough to invest in a little more paper and ink.  They should also make their services more obvious.  Terms of service are written to cover a whole lot of issues that a typical business needs to struggle with.  But they are not a solution.

Anyway, in regards to the call, that was about it.

I hung up the phone and didn't know what to think.  This call had put a human face on CIBC.  I won't publish her name but the person on the other end of the phone wasn't some vampiric character from a Poe (or Rice) novel.  She was sorry.  She didn't fight with me or try to tell me I had just missed some small type here or there.  She listened and responded to my typical commentary.  There weren't tears or anything like that but she was genuinely interested in how CIBC could learn from my experience and how they could do better.  I know CIBC won't be able to solve such issues overnight but, wow, the fact that someone - a human voice - took the time to call me about my online blathering was shocking.  (Have I said "shocking" enough for one post?)

Does this change my mind about CIBC?  It does a little bit.  I still think the CIBC has some head office to branch issues and I still think that such a large bank should launch themselves into the 2010s and use some of that online juice to let their employees know what is what. Their clients base is changing.  People are more connected and "choosy" than ever.  Those who used banks and accepted how banks did business is changing.  In this economy, maybe banks should be a little more active in their outreach as well.

Anyway.  There you go.  A little heavy for a Saturday night but I have to give CIBC a few kudos for trying.  They came far to late but I can't ignore that they didn't try.  Will they take my comments to heart or, at the very least, read them. I hope so.  It won't bring me back to CIBC but - dammit - I can't say they are 100% demon spawn either.  

Damn.  I was hoping CIBC was ruling the legion of the undead.

You know what is stupid about this post?  I had a great idea and some thoughts that we so amazing that the fabric of reality would have bent slightly to make room for the most brilliant ideas ever conceived.  Sadly, this is not the case now since I was distracted reading something mundane (about how to control comment spam on a blog) and have since forgotten what the most amazing idea I had was.  Thankfully, my quick witted self has come up with a back up plan: here are a few shots of the things I have been doing during the Vancouver Olympics.

A very good friend of mine, Lock, dropped in last weekend and we also headed downtown to check out what was going on.  We found out: lines, lines, lines.  Oh, and a zipline too.

It is amazing what you forget.  I never considered important memories being lost to the murk of time.  Yet, today I was reminded of such a moment that, I believe, defined my belief that space travel is one of the greatest things we do.  It was only the other day that I was reading an article about the plight of the Spirit Mars Rover and how it has become stuck in a sand bog of some kinds.  The NASA people are trying to get it out but they are facing a reality that the rover may be stuck where it is.  I was saddened by this since I have thought of these rovers for some time and I do check on them from time to time.  Much like a mother hen.  As long as they are running and working on the deserts of Mars, everything about the world is okay.

So, it took me a little by surprise when, I was reminded about the Space Shuttle Challenger.  I hadn't thought about it for years and years.  My memory of the incident are somewhat vague but I will never forget the Time Magazine cover of the disaster.  The Challenger explosion was the first time I think I had any thought about death.  I had pets that has passed away but it was never quite the same thing.  I remember the main reason I remember anything about the Challenger was that we had done some kind of project at my school about the Space Shuttle since a teacher was going to be a member of that trip.  It was a big deal.  A "non-astronaut" was having the chance to do something that mere mortals such as myself were not allowed to do.  It was like stealing from the cookie jar knowing you wouldn't get in trouble.  In other words, it was exciting.

But, here is what happened:

I think this is one of the most terrifying videos that exist.  We've all seen terrorist suicide bombers (even back then) and whatnot but I think the feeling of utter helplessness is more terrifying.  Imagine having been inside the shuttle and hearing something go wrong and then - nothing. It happened to the Columbia a few years ago and it was a reminder about the dangers of space travel.

You know what?  I think he did say it best.  As much as we like to make fun of "Ronny" nowadays, this was one of his shining moments.  I think that is enough for one night.  Off to bed.

I can't believe it.  I just found out that the Bloedel Conservatory here in Vancouver is closing its doors because of alien invasion or something.  Of all the places that are going to CLOSE because of the Olympics - this is one that should have received some money to help maintain and promote it during the city wide event.  I could also say something nasty about the city council but I won't because they are the best we've had in some time - maybe.  Also, if you know me at all, I am not a lover of the 2010 Olympic Games.  As time has gone on and the preparations have mounted, money has been spent and spent and spent, far outside of the budget.  VANOC has also admitted they are way above budget and are now dipping into their emergency fund.  If you live in Vancouver, who know who's pocket that is.  With taxes on the rise because of the games, this is one of those situations where money has not been allocated properly.  Can anyone say athlete's village?

Do you want to help?  Here are some links:

• Friends of the Bloedel
  
• Change Everything
  
• Vancouver Sun
  
• The Globe and Mail
  

I have a wide variety of interests.  Just ask anyone I know and they will tell you with no uncertainty what-so-ever: "Shane is interested in that?"  I think about obsecure stuff all the time and I am sure I think far too much for any healthy human being.  I think about things I am sure no other human being on the planet (or just those I interact with regularly) would consider to be situations that could exist in this time-continuum. Which, of course, begs the question: what am thinking about today?

I will happily tell you with no uncertainty what-so-ever: do you ever think about Norman Fell?

If you're around my age and took a moment or two to catch an episode of Three's Company, you would know him.  Remember Mr. Roper?  That is Norman Fell.  The guy (according to the little information I can find) was a rock solid kind of guy.  He was able to match wits with Frank Sinatra and Dean Martin while having the comedic funny bone to pull off the thankless job that was Mr. Roper.  I suppose it wasn't that thankless since his Mr. Roper role landed him a two season stint on The Ropers, but who is really counting.  So, what the heck am I talking about a guy who passed on just over twelve years ago?  The Rat Pack, that is what. 

I am sure I have written about this before but, over the last year, I have been reading a lot of autobiographies and a few biographies.  I have read about dancers, singers, actors, writers and, more recently, been interested in learning about the Rat Pack.  It all started when I checked out a couple of autobiographies from the library (Alan Alda and Jerry Lewis, I think) and, for some reason, I loved reading them so much I haven't been able to stop.  I have become somewhat addicted to this style of writing.  What I think I love about these books is the fact I am reading about a real person (or as real as they will let themselves be).  What surprises me is the "six degrees" that seems to happen.  So and so met up with another so and so and - bam - they did a flick together or recorded a duet.  There is really nothing suprising about this but we're talking about famous people here.  God, I am starting to sound like those stupid shows like Entertainment Tonight.  Moving on.

As I was saying, I am reading about the exploits of the Rat Pack.  I mean, people, this is the frakin' Rat Pack!  If I were around in those days and involved in Hollywood I would have killed a guy to have been granted membership even if it were for a few moments!  And this is what brought me to the subject of Norman Fell.  According to a couple of things I have read, the guy was a member.  If they had some kind of lapel pin he would be one of the few who wore one.  And, well, there you have it.  Pointless trivia for your day. 

I guess what is driving me to learn about "famous people" is a desire to understand what will I leave behind when I go.  Dean Martin left behind music, a voice, and an impression that he screwed Jerry Lewis over after ten years together on the Hollywood circuit.  William Shatner appears to be completely oblivious to the resounding fact that his co-stars (during the 1960s, anyway) didn't like him at all.  (With the exception of Nimoy.)  They thought he was a jerk and I believe the one who the most annoyed was Walter Koenig.  If you ever get to reading his book, this first five pages are like an advertisement for how much of an asshole Shatner was. 

Anyway, I wonder what people will say about me fifty years down the road.  Anything nice?  Drivel about how they didn't really know me?  I know what they are saying about me currently and you can all take a full mouthful of some dirty cheddar.  I am kidding, of course - or am I?

I am rambling, as I normally do, but I can't escape this feeling that I have been reading the words written by people I could have run into on the street and it has touched me somehow.  A kind of time travel has been experienced (to paraphrase Stephen King from his book On Writing).  Norman Fell was just a guy who worked as an actor and became known as that role and, for some reason, it left a lasting impression on me.  It just makes me wonder about my lasting impression - on the ladies.  (Cough.)  I meant to say, "on the world".  I have a bunch of thoughts colliding at the moment and, as usual, it is quite late and I really should head off to bed.

Strange little tid-bit about Mr. Fell.  The guy was a tail gunner in World War II.  Of all the places in a B-17 (or whatever plane he served in), I would not want to be in the tail.  You've got the guys on the side guns and in the ball turret underneath - but the tail.  It is like wearing a bullseye on your forehead.

I don't watch The Tonight Show.  It hasn't been on my television watching schedule for years and years.  These days, if I find myself awake and in the mood for some mindless entertainment, I normally tune in and watch The Hour or Late Night with Conan O'Brien.  (Yes, I know he has not had that show since 2008, but if I DID find myself up that late.)  I never really watched Jay Leno.  I do remember catching his first night and I have vivid memories of his one year anniversary show but that was a long time ago.  Other than those two nights, I haven't watched.  

Jay just "didn't do it for me".  He has a smugness that is only amplified by his well known garage.  But, really, who cares.  It is late night television and that format hasn't changed since it started. I do think Leno is a decent guy and he has a lot of talent - but I prefer Conan O'Brien.  I think his comedy style is far closer to my own taste and I believe he takes more risks that pay off.  Jay Leno just isn't funny any more.  He became stale somehow.  He became a product.

I think this whole situation has received far too much coverage.  It is a business dispute and, for whatever reason, NBC felt Conan was not working for their ratings.  Of course, if Jay is as popular as they think he is, his audience would have followe.  But what do I know, I am not much of a watcher of television that isn't on DVD these days.  The Conan/Jay is just some silly situation that has produced a lot of content both over the airwaves and online (hey, look at me, I am adding to it!) and it makes absolutely no sense.  For the record, this is what Conan had to say:

Then I started thinking.  When did I last enjoy late night television?  Have I fallen off some virtual wagon I am supposed to be on?  Did I stop watching because I was getting older and felt I had some weird responsibility to get to bed early?  I don't think so.  What I do know is that I have cried thinking about the departure of Johnny Carson from The Tonight Show.  Has it really been that long since I was dedicated to watching the late night programs?  I suppose so.  I thought I would look it up and this is what I found.  My heart broke all over again.  

I don't know quite what to say.  I am - again - having one of those moments where I stare at the computer screen and wonder what it is I am suppose to be writing.  I guess I am just one of those bloggers who struggles with what to write on some soft of semi-regular basis.  I think it is a personal thing that can never truly be explained in a public forum.  In fact, it is so personal, you can't find any level of confience that will let you release your inner fears.  I think the most interesting things I could tell you about is who I am in love with, who I want to beat to a pulp and who I would love to slander on the Internet.  Sadly, I won't be posting that information here.  I am a nice guy, after all.  All of the things you would like to know about me will remain safely behind the bars of my inner soul - or some such barrier I have yet to articulate in a fashion that makes sense.

In the meantime, here is a trailer I am quite sad to say exists:

No one appears to remember that the world was better with Ralph:

I have had an interesting week, however.  It was quite fast but still had time to meet up with long lost people and still be productive.  Jacket on, jacket off.